Sometimes I go through old journal entries instead of writing a new one. Remembering God's leading in the past often reminds me of lessons I once learned. Sometimes I need to relearn them. So, the following is adapted from my journal from over a year ago.
It’s something I have a lot of sometimes, and hardly any other times. Sometimes I have it when I shouldn’t, and don’t have it when I need it.
I have confidence that my computer saves files correctly and isn’t going to lose my data. I have confidence that other drivers will stop at a stop light rather than going through and ramming into me. These kinds of things make normal life possible and far more pleasant than if we could not have confidence in anything. (Wait, would life even be possible then?)
But then there’s a deeper type of confidence - confidence in God and His word. And I don’t have enough of it. Sometimes I wonder if I really have any deep confidence in Him. For if I did, why do I so easily question His leading? I’ve often felt that life would be better if God understood my problems the way I understand them.
What I’m slowly coming to realize is that He understands life's problems better than I do, solutions and all. And I don’t have very much confidence, because as soon as things start to look like they’re not working out right, I run to Him crying. Why are You letting this happen?
Why? As if a feeble, weak, and struggling human mind could fully comprehend even a fraction of the purposes of the Almighty. He needs give no reason, no justification for His plans. Amazingly, mercifully, often He gives one anyway. But sometimes, He doesn’t, at least not in the moment. And it’s then that we learn whether we really trust Him or not.
He claims us as His own if we hold fast onto the confidence we have in Him, until the end. (Hebrews 3:6) I may not have started well - I’ve made mistakes, and lived my life as if I could be self-sufficient. But I have confidence that He will finish what He started. I have confidence in His plans for me even if they go beyond what I can see. I have confidence in His love. And He will sustain me through it all. Until the end.
Oh, let me run this race all the way to the finish line, and never give up no matter what. There is no other way. I need not ask for You to help - You’ve already promised that. But I ask for the humility to accept Your help.
To approach a battle smiling with the confidence of a thousand victories won already, we must be so accustomed to giving up our own plans and accepting God’s that it will be second nature to do it again.
That’s the recipe for Victory #1001.